In which I embark on an adventure - albeit off to a slow start. The first thing I found out this afternoon was that Kelsey has gone way too long without being ridden. She was very nervous, a bit nippy, and totally unhappy with the whole thing even though we had a discussion about it prior to my starting, and I thought she was in agreement with this project.

I took the time to let Kelsey sniff each piece of tack before putting it on. Note: This formerly svelt mare has gotten quite fat! I had to use the last hole on the billet straps on both sides. Kelsey was not tied and refused to stand for the saddle to be put on her back. I threw the lead rop over the rail (did not tie it hard under the circumstances), and that seemed to hold her in place, but I was disappointed in her behavior.

By the time I got her tacked up we both were nervous. This is not the Kelsey I've hopped on bareback with a halter for the last ten years. Maybe it was simply the saddle?

With visions of getting dumped in my head, I decided to just lead her down to the gate in the middle of my property, a distance of perhaps 1/4 mile. She halted and fretted and once or twice swung her head at me, so I had to circle her around me a few times. I kept a firm grip on my own temper - after all, this is a horse, and it had been a very long time since she's had to do any work (last time was 2001 when we trail blazed, cleaned trail and GPS'ed trail for the 55 mile endurance ride I managed).

I put Kelsey up, sweating although it was only about 75° in the sun. I thanked her and turned her loose. Grabbed the tack box and the Boz riding halter and put them back in the tack compartment of my trailer.

When I went back for the saddle, Ben Nasrif (Ben Rabba X Neesan), my retired endurance stallion who is Kelsey's sire, had pulled the saddle off the rail and into his pen. Hmmm. Was this a message to me? Did Nas actually want me to ride him? I haven't been on him probably in ten years!

I stopped and looked him over. Nas had been losing weight, but was gaining it back - his spine was nicely covered and he was only slightly ribby. True, his arthritic front feet made me wince, but he was standing there patiently next to that saddle. I was thinking how I hated to put a horse away when the last memory is of a bad experience. Maybe Nas was telling me I needed to get on him and have a good experience before putting that saddle back!

I decided it was a go. I'd ride him for just a short bit - same little half mile I'd led Kelsey. We'd plod along and both of us would benefit.

Nas stood there with nothing on his head as I groomed and saddled him. That's how I train my horses (and that's why I was disappointed with Kelsey). Put the Boz riding halter on him and suddenly he lost 10 years of age - maybe more! I led a prancing, fire breathing stallion out of the pen, intending to get him over to a rock I use as a mounting block. Nas was having nothing of that - I had to get on right that second, so I did! He tucked his chin and arched his neck and off we went at a very collected walk. I haven't seen that much animation in Ben Nasrif for years and years! He acted like he'd never seen the trail to the gate, even though he walks it all the time. He snorted, he paused, he was a wild man, but Nas is so very well trained that I felt totally secure.

I love riding that horse! When we got to the gate we side passed so I could tap the fence post. He hadn't forgotten a thing - what a pleasure having such a horse to ride. We turned away then and Nas jogged the whole way back, me occasionally asking for half halts just to remind him I was there. I was totally enjoying keeping the pressure on my seat bones evenly matched, keeping my legs loose, breathing easily with good posture and relaxed shoulders. Did I mention I love riding that horse? To just think of moving over to another path the horses have worn was to have Nas go there. To just look at the direction I wanted to ride was to go there. What an incredible animal - what a great ride. What a good idea it was to do this before putting that saddle away!

When we got back, I stopped Nas with the slightest shift in weight and pressure in the stirrups. I hopped off (noticing that my Ariat Terrains are too wide for the stirrups - gotta do something about shoes to ride in) and suddenly Nasrif was a tired 26 year old horse again. What a guy - he gave me just the ride I needed.

If Nas is up to it, I will continue to ride him for short times just to get my seat back again. I will lead Kelsey until she's thoroughly bored with the whole thing, and is ready to have me on her back. I don't think that will take very long - she is a good girl and well trained, just needs to get back into the groove again.

Where I am reminded that writing about something and doing it are of course two very different things. Thinking about my riding experience just a few days ago, it occurs to me that my reluctance to get on and ride has not been any fear of riding in general - my short ride on my old stallion, Ben Nasrif, proved that not to be the case - but rather that I am, at this point in my life, looking to ride a horse just like Nas, one that I am bonded with, can trust and can have fun on. I'm not interested in training horses any more. The ground is much harder these days, and it is much farther down than it used to be.

I decided that Kelsey's antsy behavior yesterday could simply have been the issue of the saddle. I needed to act on my belief that when you are working with horses and having problems, it's time to whisper, not shout.

It's hopefully fairly common knowledge that when you've got a horse problem, you should back up in your training to the last step that worked, however far back you need to go. I additionally believe that when you've got a horse problem, you need to lessen the force, lighten the pressure, reduce the level of harshness of the equipment, quiet the voice and the mind, and move into a centered and peaceful place.

Part of my philosophy of horse/human interaction says that the idea is always to make the horse seek you out. If you're "yelling" by using lots of pressure, lots of bit, lots of aids, maybe you're deafening the horse.

Whisper. Make the horse quiet himself to hear what you're saying.

That's why they call those people horse whisperers, you know!

Today I decided that if Kelsey was so nervous about things she'd always been calm about before, it was time for me to back off on the pressure - even if the pressure was as simple as putting a saddle on her back. I decided to spend some time on Kelsey bareback. I was wearing black pants, so of course this would be the logical thing to do. Grey hair always looks great on the butt of black pants.

I got a bucket to use as a mounting block, but Kelsey didn't want to stand still. Instead of stopping to think about it, like I would suggest to anyone else, I just moved the bucket closer and tried to get on. How could I have forgotten how bad I am at getting on bareback?

Kelsey was having none of this. She decided the open gate was inviting her to leave, so she went through it, me having flopped off the other side, holding onto the riding halter reins. Did I mention how fat Kelsey has gotten? She went through the pipe panel gate just fine, I didn't. There was about half a person's space for the whole of me. My head grazed off a pipe, and somehow the inside of the leg closest to my horse also smacked into the pipe.

Well.

Nothing gets me riled up faster than getting banged around by a horse. Test one: Don't take it out on the horse, Lif!

I caught myself short and contented myself with jiggling the reins at her. That was enough - she knew I meant business. We were both relieved I didn't have to throw a tantrum.

I shut the gate (I'm not that stupid - even I can learn!) I put the bucket back into place. Kelsey didn't budge. Leaned my body over her back. Kelsey didn't budge. Slipped on and we just stood there, breathing. Relaxing together. It was good.

After a while, I asked Kelsey to walk forward. She was having none of that. I didn't want to get insistent (remember, I'm trying to ride what I preach!), so I tried changing the way I asked her for the walk. She decided that was much better, and we spent some time moseying around the pen. We did lazy small circles and we walked to one side of the bucket or the other, we walked the diagonal of the pen and we circled around it. I was really getting into it, enjoying the sun on my face, the movements of Kelsey's body, and the comfortable and secure feeling you get when things are going right. When I found myself stopping, looking at that gate latch and fighting a strong desire to lean over, open it and take off I realized that comfortable and secure is not necessarily the same as prudent. It was too soon for going on a bareback jaunt cross country, so instead I called it a day. My pants were damp, covered with grey hair and I was feeling fine, why mess with a good thing? I told Kelsey she was the most wonderful horse in the world - not that she was impressed. I think it'll take a while for her to decide that this whole program is a Good Thing.

In which I discover the possibility that there are other horses to ride than Ben Nasrif. Yes, and also I am reminded why having patches on the seat and inside thighs of riding britches is a good idea.

I waited all day for it to cool off, but by 4:30 it wasn't getting there, so I decided to just go on and work with Kelsey a little bit anyway. I don't do so well in the heat these days, and yesterday my walking partner and I both felt punished by the fast three miles we did in the sun at almost 8000' altitude. Today I was feeling groggy and lethargic, so no matter what Kelsey and I did, I wasn't planning on expending too much energy.

I decided I didn't like working in the pen - I never feel comfortable working in small, confined areas - so I grabbed my mounting bucket and Kelsey's rope riding halter and reins, and asked her to leave the group of horses she was with and follow me a ways so we could do a little bonding. She was agreeable to that, and shortly I found myself sitting on top of her broad back. I won't go into details of my ungainly mount - believe me, I sometimes think I need a stepladder - but Kelsey just stood there patiently.

I hadn't planned anything in particular for today's session, just to get a little sweat equity in. We sat still for a while as I sorted out what I was feeling, reminded myself to sit "on my pockets" and to relax my legs. When Kelsey decided I was ready to go, she started off at an easy walk. We went around one of my horse trailers in both directions several times as I regained my feel for balance and sunk in to Kelsey's body and her rhythm.

Unlike most of the horses I have ridden over the past years, Kelsey wasn't trained by me - she was sent to a Parelli certified trainer when she was 3 ½ years old and stayed there for six months while we packed our stuff and moved to New Mexico. She even got to do a 25 mile ride back then, as I recall. I decided before I ever started with Kelsey that I want this experience with her to be a process of my learning what she was taught rather than the other way around. Sure, I could retrain her, but why?

Kelsey has a good education, and it is possible that she has as much to teach me as that other professionally trained horse that has taught me so much: Ben Nasrif, Kelsey's sire. So, my goal with Kelsey is not about training her - this is an experiment in collaboration, with a common end goal: Distance riding. In a true collaboration, all input has value. Since this is a collaboration, Kelsey's input is as valuable as mine, if not more so. It is my intent to accept her contribution fully, and to use it to build something that hasn't been there before.

Kelsey reminded me most effectively and immediately that she did have input, and this input was about how I was to ask her to do things. We worked out how I would ask for turns, slowing down, speeding up, stopping, and I rapidly discovered that the principle of "less is more" was something Kelsey most assuredly believes in and wants me to apply. The more correctly I asked, the less pressure was necessary for me to ask with. She did not want me to direct her hind end with leg aids, but preferred me to ask her to move her shoulders. I'm not saying Kelsey would not respond to my using a leg "behind the girth", just that she was telling me she wanted me to do it the other way. That was OK by me.

I am in the process of putting in an arena - when finished it will be about 75' x 100'. I have three sides of it (mostly) fenced - the fourth side has no fencing and there are no gates anywhere yet. Kelsey and I moved into that area so I could pretend I was working in an arena and work on straight lines along what fence there is, diagonals across the arena towards a target, circles, etc.

This is when it became apparent why Kelsey was asking to use leg aids that were different than I was used to. Kelsey was teaching me to not use my legs at all! I discovered that rather than using my leg "in front of the girth", I could instead use my seat bone to nudge her spine in the direction I wanted her to go. This was a great revelation - and great fun! We started doing some serpentines and the more relaxed I got, the more sensitive Kelsey got to my requests. We trotted as well, and for the first time in my life I felt totally comfortable at the trot, bareback. We felt totally together, meshed.

For icing on the cake, I decided to leave the arena area and all the other horses. If you recall, the first day I started this - just three work sessions ago - Kelsey didn't want to even be led in that direction away from her buddies. I wasn't going to force anything on her today, but did want to see how far we could get before she and I lost the good feeling of being "together" that we had developed today. We started off at a jog, but had only gotten about 50 yards when my young stallion Koko began to call her. Kelsey suddenly thought better of this. I urged her to walk a bit more until I could feel her bunching up beneath me. The tighter she got, the more we lost our unity. No point in ending with that as my last memory of today's ride, much less letting that be her memory, so I asked her to turn and go a ways to the side, never getting any further from Koko but still going.

It was fine. By this time I had a stupid grin on my face and I didn't even know it. I trotted Kelsey back to the other horses and when I sat back and tightened my thighs ever so slightly, lifting the reins ever so slightly, Kelsey stopped dead. I slid off her, removed the rope halter and thanked her while rubbing her neck. Without thinking I turned my back to let her rub on me. She did, just once or twice, lightly. I say "without thinking" because letting Nas rub on me after a ride is a treat for him that I always allow him - I never offer that to any other horse (and I know it's supposed to be a big no-no). Kelsey has never showed the slightest interest in doing anything like that before - heck, she has hardly ever showed the slightest interest in me personally (although she is friendly. It's a very subtle difference). I was pretty surprised at that brief rub.

As I walked away Kelsey followed me. I climbed through the fence and gave her a chunk of a head of lettuce I had left there for her as a treat. I admired her chowing down on it and turned to go back to the house, noticing for the first time that my riding tights were full of prickly hair and were damp and sticking to my skin on top of it. Made me walk bow legged! That stupid grin was still on my face.

In which I discover that even the most cooperative horse may not want to be ridden at dinner time. You'd think that I would have learned years ago that except for maybe out on an actual endurance ride, horses really would rather eat than do anything else at dinner time. I did give that point a moment's thought, but somehow never followed through. I had waited till it cooled off to get my mounting bucket and go out to Kelsey with a slice of apple, and sort of had it in the back of my mind that this might not be the ideal time to be riding, but I also was thinking that my horses were used to waiting now and again for dinner, and it wasn't even that late, so...

So I ignored all thoughts of feeding the horses and got on Kelsey. I must say, my bareback mounting technique is (very) slightly improved. I think I've been too tentative in mounting, haven't been pushing off enough with my left leg. I don't know if I've been thinking I'd somehow sail right over Kelsey's back, but today I did push off with the left leg and getting on wasn't such an embarrassing scramble. It wasn't actually graceful, but I was pleased nevertheless. Kelsey offered no opinion about that.

Kelsey did have an opinion about this riding at dinner time idea. She didn't want to move. We had a discussion about that. It was ironic that I have been talking about and exploring listening to Kelsey, but today the session was about Kelsey listening to me, or more aptly, how to take turns listening to each other. Riding isn't supposed to be a one way conversation, after all. We finally came to a mutual understanding, and Kelsey more or less willingly agreed to get going.

We were still working in my future arena area, but we were going through future gates a ways on each end so I could cover more ground and just not get in a rut. At one point when we had moved outside the arena area Kelsey just stopped and refused to budge. We had another little discussion. I have been a hesitant bareback rider all my life, but somehow I've picked up enough information on various email lists that I now have better technique and a better bareback seat, so I am not feeling like I will fall off so easily - in fact, at one point Kelsey spooked at a fence panel that has been laying on the ground all day long and I had no problem at all staying with her.

At any rate, when Kelsey found her feet frozen to the ground, I was no longer feeling so very hesitant, and I was more aggressive in asking her to move on. She clearly sensed the difference - after only the briefest of conversation about it, she walked on.

In spite of Kelsey's reluctance here and there, I was fully enjoying myself, so much so that at one point I realized we'd been trotting most of the time and I had never noticed it. We were going through little washout areas which required stepping down and then stepping up out of the wash and we weaved through belly high wild sunflowers gone to seed already - much more interesting riding and the main reason I didn't want to just stay in the arena area. We were having a pretty good time when my old stallion Ben Nasrif came out of his pen and put a stop to everything. I was quite surprised to see him come up to intercept our path, and somewhat aggravated that Kelsey was paying total attention to Nas and none to me!

Nas was blocking our path. We weren't going anywhere because he wouldn't move away, and the other mares were with him. I think this was a mutiny - feed us or you won't take another step! Kelsey wouldn't push through the bunch - I didn't ask her more than once because that could have caused trouble. She wouldn't turn to either side, again because there were horses there, and she briefly forgot how to back up. So did I.

We had a few minutes of getting it together, where I had to retreat from trying to force Kelsey to do anything, and I had to remember how to ask her to back up. She wasn't responding to my weight shift or lift of reins as she normally would, so I asked her with alternating tugs on either rein. Her nose came down, her back muscles relaxed and she took a few steps back, allowing us to move around the dinner demanding desperados. Phew! Nasrif lost interest in the proceedings and went back into his pen to wait for dinner.

Kelsey and I trotted around a while longer, but all the horses were getting impatient, so I figured that I might as well just give it up and feed. They weren't too upset with me for the delay - in fact, soon as they all were finally stuffing their faces, I was totally forgiven. Next time I'll not ride so close to meal time.

When I walked back to put the riding halter away I noticed, as I have in the past, how good I feel after riding. I feel taller, more supple, more energetic and for sure happier. I might not feel that way after a 50 mile race, but these short little rides have been good for me that way. Light, easy, not demanding - just plain fun. That's the way to go about it!

An ordinary ride. What a great thing to have an ordinary ride on a green horse!

Much less fuss with the bucket for mounting today. I also had the forethought to shut Nas in his pen so he wouldn’t be tempted to come out and add his two cents to the operation. I sat on Kelsey for a while after hopping on, admiring the view, watching the horses interact, just plain enjoying the evening and making no attempt to go anywhere. I thought about where I might put in a septic tank and some leach lines, where I might someday add on a greenhouse and bathroom. I planned next year’s garden while the chill wind of autumn cooled the back of my neck. One thing I’ve always disliked is getting on a horse that starts walking off before your leg’s cleared the cantle. Nas used to be bad about that; I’ve ridden other people’s horses that were also bad. I don’t want Kelsey to make the decision about when to start moving - that’s got to be my choice. I might take her to some endurance rides before I actually enter her in one so I could just go to the start, sit there and let the other horses take off, then take her back to the trailer. My aim is to have a horse that’s calm at the start - a time that’s exciting enough without a horse that’s nuts, too.

I decided to go over to the water trough near my entry gate to see how much it filled up today. It was very low this morning, and the mosquito fish, which aren’t cold water fish as far as I know, were in just a few inches of water on the coldest morning of September so far (24º when I checked about half an hour after sunrise). I like having “jobs” to do, goals to reach when riding. I like that with almost everything I do. Having purpose seems to make the going easier - not that I’m particularly focused on reaching goals, mind you. I don’t want to miss the journey itself, after all! So that would be our first little goal, going to the water trough, about 150 yards beyond where I’ve been riding Kelsey so far.

Kelsey once again tried to convince me that she could not walk forward with a human being on her back, but I decided to offer her escalating levels of firmness until she would step out. The amount of firmness to get Kelsey to move is not very much actually, but that she even balks at all certainly is something she will have to get over. On the other hand, it is once again close to dinner time. Again, this is something she will have to get over. There will be times when we will be leaving a vet check when she might want to stay and eat - we need to have agreement before that day ever comes that if I want to leave, we will leave.

Kelsey seemed a bit nervous, so I concentrated on relaxing my seat and thighs, keeping myself loose and breathing. She jogged a bit on the way, thought once or twice about spooking, but didn’t actually cause me any problem at all. She is, as she always has been, easy to direct and not a bucker, and her spooks seem mild when they occur - much of the worrying about her is in my head. Thus the deep breathing.

A nice thing about riding bareback is that I can feel a lot of what Kelsey is going to do just before she does it. If she was thinking of veering off the path to avoid going where I wanted, I could feel that and block her before she actually moved. It's a fact that I’ve ridden more bareback in the past couple of weeks than I have in my whole life (I started out in the saddle and never felt comfortable bareback), and I’m thinking this is so nice that it will be hard to get into a saddle again when the time comes!

The water trough was full, so we moseyed up onto the hillside a ways behind my house, around behind it then on towards the rest of the horses. Part way there Kelsey simply stopped on her own. Instead of asking her to move on immediately, I watched some jackrabbits nibbling at some grass a few yards away. Eventually Kelsey got restive, and that’s when I asked her to move on again - no need to use my legs on a balking horse this time!

I decided to ride on down to the gate at the other end of the horse pasture (if you can call dry weeds and dirt pasture) as my second and final goal of the day (it’s just a quarter of a mile or so). I told Kelsey where we were going and she started out well, trotting much of the time, but as we got farther from the other horses and out of their sight around a bend in the trail, she got slower and slower, and her “straight” line got mighty crooked. I did correct some of that but felt that just getting to the gate would be an accomplishment in itself - how we got to the gate would be a polish we’d work on another day.

We paused at the gate for Kelsey to get her carrot. I wanted to nip any fidgeting at that point before it started, so used the carrot to distract her. I let her enjoy it a moment, then asked her to turn back before she could think of trying it herself. It is my intention to use the carrot as a signal that we’re going back home - I think if she can make that connection it will be useful, might provide more reason to put energy into what she’s doing late in an endurance ride - but on the other hand, I don't want her to think that soon as a carrot is offered she gets to turn back. We'll see if I can pull that one off. Note to self: Don’t run out of carrots!

Kelsey did not want to walk back, which is not unusual. I didn’t fuss with her too much, just using half halts to slow her down. I will say this, though - when we got back and I asked her for a full stop, the brakes went on so hard I actually felt like I needed a seat belt. The horse has got “stop” down pat!

A pretty ordinary ride, and thoroughly enjoyable. I only spent half an hour on Kelsey, but I like the fact that my muscles, so long unused to riding, aren’t noticing this at all. That might be due to the yoga I do most days of the week, or might be because I simply am taking it so easy. It is my hope that Kelsey’s back feels pretty good to her, too.

Sometimes life just throws a lot at a person. Nothing traumatic has been going on in my life, but I have been suffering from the Torture of One Thousand Paper Cuts - many little things demanding my time and taking energy away from horses. I am feeling somewhat guilty about not paying more attention to my herd, but of course they are very forgiving as long as I feed them on time.

I haven't gotten on Kelsey since the day of my last entry. This entry isn't about getting on her either, but is a little bit of explanation about why I am going about things the way I am.

I believe that horses can be the windows to our own souls. They absorb what we put out, and to a greater or lesser degree reflect some of that back to us. Different breeds tend to absorb or reflect more than others, and the history of an individual horse will also have a bearing on it's reflectiveness. Arabians are, in my opinion, one of the most reflective of breeds of horses. That's why I prefer them.

We ride in partnership with our horses. The quality of the partnership can be observed. When I watch a person ride - any breed - I know what that person is truly like inside, I know what's going on in his/her mind simply by observing the behavior of his or her horse. In particular with Arabians, if a person is in an uproar internally, the horse will be in an uproar externally. A human at peace and giving in trust can develop a relationship with a horse that reflects peace and trust, and the horse will be trustworthy.

Aha - I know there are people who will disagree with the above paragraph, but I know that it is the case. Every normal horse that is upset when around humans is reflecting the human part of the relationship.

The horse is not the only one putting into that partnership. A person doesn't have to "speak Arabian" to have a calm and trustworthy Arabian. If a person's soul is in an uproar - call it "inner state" if "soul" is uncomfortable - this most reflective of breeds will reflect that state back to the world. If a person is calm and trusting, the horse reflects that; the result is a calm and trusting horse. If a person can't be calm and trusting, can't - as CW Anderson I think said - throw his/her heart over the fence first and let the horse follow - then it's a matter of either accepting the wrecks that may result or riding a less reflective breed.

That said, keep in mind that horses are living beings and have memories. Just as with any relationship between thinking beings, good, deep relationships take time to develop. Horses may be born with calm personalities but those personalities must be cherished and cultivated or they can be warped and eroded. I have come to believe that to develop a great, trustworthy horse that I'd trust my life with, I first must develop a soul that my horse can trust it's life and soul with.